Category Archives: Support for Parents of Children with Special Needs

Redefining Normal

Support for Parents of Children with Special Needs, , ,
If you're worried about your child, it may be time for an evaluation.
If you’re worried about your child, you are not alone.

You’re at your wit’s end.

Your child has become more difficult to manage, has fallen behind in school, or is finding it impossible to make or keep friends. You know something’s not quite right, but everyone keeps telling you it’s just a phase. She’ll grow out of it.

But that niggling feeling remains.

“Is my child…normal?”

It’s a tricky question and may not have a right or wrong answer. Over the years, the definition of normal has shifted. Children whose parents and teachers once labeled them “lively” or “quirky” or “daydreamers” now receive diagnoses of ADHD, autism, or other specific conditions.

Dr. Allen Frances, the author of Saving Normal, is battling against the surge of diagnoses that seem to be growing with each edition of the Diagnostic Manual. The most recent edition, DSM 5, was just released in May, and was met with some criticism due to the increase of some diagnoses and removal of others. He maintains that some labels seem arbitrary and that human behavior is diverse, colorful and… human.

He may have a point. Today, experts estimate that 12% of school-age children and as many as 20% of teenage boys are diagnosed with ADHD. The number of school-age children who may have a learning disability is estimated at around 20%, and 1.5% (a number that’s growing) are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

No wonder parents are getting more and more terrified that their kids may not be “normal.”

Redefine normal.

Here’s the quick answer to that earlier question: No one is truly normal.

There’s no such thing as a “normal” child. We’re all — children and parents alike — “magnificently flawed”, as Anne Lamott notes. Cultivating compassion and self forgiveness are important components to working through our perceived flaws. While we inherently try to forgive our children and make excuses for their difficult behaviors or struggles, the question remains: is something wrong? Is my kid going to be ok?

The challenge for today’s parents is recognizing when your child’s behaviors or abilities are different enough from those of other children that it impacts his life in a meaningful way. And some conditions need to be identified early because early intervention can be so important for a great many children.

And, some conditions may make it more difficult for your child to progress through school, at least with his self esteem intact.

So how do you know your child is in this category?

3 Signs That It’s Time to Check Things Out

If you’ve experienced any of these situations, you might want to consult with a specialist to ensure your child’s future success:

1. Your gut tells you something’s wrong. Your doctor keeps telling you, “Wait and see.” Your friends keep reassuring you that “He’ll grow out of it.”

But you still feel, deep down, that there’s something different about your child.

I’ve seen many kids over the years in my professional capacity, and many of them have had a mom (or dad) who refused to ignore that kernel of doubt. That gut feeling kept them pushing for an answer, even when others told them their kid was fine.

Teachers may dismiss your concerns in the hope that, in time, your child will catch up. Don’t let them dissuade you from seeking help if you have doubts. Early intervention can make a big difference in your child’s life, both now and in the future. Trust your mommy gut!

2. Your child frequently comes home discouraged, hates school, or makes statements like “I’m dumb.” Kids are more astute than we sometimes give them credit for. They can see the academic hierarchy of their class and figure out where they stand in relation to their peers.

If your child is consistently distraught about school, starts becoming school-phobic, or is so socially awkward that she’s avoided or ostracized by other kids, it’s time to get her some help. That help starts with a professional evaluation to rule out (or start a treatment plan for) learning disabilities or other conditions.

3. A teacher or other caregiver has suggested an evaluation for your child. Note to parents: Teachers really hate to identify kids as having a problem. With their heavy workload and so many other kids to worry about, they’d much rather hope for the best and move students along.

No teacher wants to carelessly worry a parent, so a recommendation for evaluation by your child’s teacher should be taken seriously. Find out exactly why she believes your child needs help. If you choose to hire a psychologist for your child, these details may help with his or her analysis.

Above all, don’t ignore the signs or your own feelings. Getting help for your child early on may make all the difference in his success in school and beyond. In future blogs, I will talk about different avenues of professional help.

Have you ever wondered if your child is normal? What did you do to get help for your child? Please share your story in the comments below!

Hi Parents, This Blog is About YOU

Support for Parents of Children with Special Needs, , , , ,

A Positively Atypical Welcome

Atypical kids can be a challenge.... And your reactions and feelings matter! Atypical kids can be a challenge…. And your reactions and feelings matter!

Hello, parents of children diagnosed with ADHD, learning disorders, or autism spectrum! If you’ve had a rocky road with your child, you’re in the right place.

Parents have different concerns at different stages of their child’s development and condition. You may still be in the early days, thinking something’s not quite right with your child but unable to put a finger on what it may be.

Or maybe your child has already been identified as needing help, but you’re still fuzzy on the details of what’s wrong and what to expect. Maybe you’ve already received the diagnosis and an intervention action plan and are overwhelmed by the sheer size of the mountain you’re about to climb.

Or, you might be an old pro at this, and have been fighting the good fight for years now. You’re frayed, worried, and stressed out by the whole process.

Take Care of Yourself to Take Care of Your Child

First things first: Take a deep breath. And then consider this vital piece of information: YOUR emotional response to your child’s condition is just as crucial as any therapy or treatment your child receives.

After the diagnosis, all of your attention and energy, and all of the attention and energy of those close to you and your family, will be focused on your child. And, to a point, that’s as it should be — nothing’s more important than helping your child get the very best care you can find.

But learning to manage your own feelings about your child’s condition is the key to remaining a strong, enthusiastic champion for him or her, even when things are at their most challenging.

I’m Dr. Rita, and I’m Here to Help

I’ll keep this part short, since we’re here for you, not me. But I also know that you want to be reassured that you’re getting the best advice you can. With that in mind, here are a few facts about me:

  • I’ve worked with families for over 20 years as a pediatric neuropsychologist, helping them understand their diagnosis and put together a treatment plan.
  • I evaluate children for learning disabilities, attention deficit disorders, autism spectrum, and high intelligence and aptitude (or gifted children). I also help demystify those unusual kids who don’t have an obvious learning condition but who seem quirky or different and I help parents learn more about their unique child.
  • I’ve watched countless parents ride the emotional roller coaster from denial to anger to guilt to isolation, depression, and fear — all before (hopefully) arriving at a place of acceptance of who their child is and what they need to work on.
  • I’ve learned through my clinical experience that the parents’ reaction to their child is the best predictor of that child’s future wellbeing. And if you know what intense emotions to expect, you’ll be able to reach acceptance — for both yourself and your child — much faster.

How Positively Atypical Can Help You in Your Journey

Many parents over the years have told me that, in retrospect, their child’s disorder has been an invisible gift. Because of that feedback, I feel confident encouraging you to have optimism and faith.

And that’s why I started this blog: To provide parents just like you with information to help you take charge of your child’s treatment plan and to help guide you toward that place of acceptance.

Here, you’ll find some of the leading research into brain-based emotions, learned optimism, and self-care techniques including meditation and mindfulness-based exercises.

I’ll also help you create a customized self-care menu full of actions you can perform to maintain calm and balance, whether you have ten minutes free or a whole weekend. You’ll find tips on communicating better with teachers, relatives, therapists, and others in your child’s life.

I’ll also talk about how you can reset the “normal” button in your own mind and learn to accept your child for who he or she is — and accept yourself as the parent of a child who is a little, or a lot, different.

Remember: The emotional responses you may be feeling about your child’s diagnosis, behaviors, or unique needs don’t make you a bad parent. They’re hard-wired, neurobiological reactions — just like the fight-or-flight response to fear.

But if you’re aware of this hard-wiring and know what to expect, you can identify where you are on the roller coaster. That will help you channel your feelings and separate them from the challenges of your child.  And that will make you much better at supporting him or her.

So pull up your favorite comfy chair, grab a cup of joe (or tea), and let’s talk. I look forward to your comments and suggestions, and to answering your questions about you and your wonderful, crazy-making, difficult, astonishing, one-of-a-kind child.

Like this post? Please, feel free to join the conversation in the comments below! And don’t forget to sign up to receive new posts via email (you can also click the form in the sidebar) so you don’t miss anything!